I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
