we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
