fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Found the puke drawer
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize