Will you blow on my dice?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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