I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
