Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
