when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
