i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
