Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she told me i tasted like america
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
