i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
