it hurts more in the daytime
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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