life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
