We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
