Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
