Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
