Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
