Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
