U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
