So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize