Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You're a waste of cheezeits
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
