Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
