This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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