DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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