I'm eating all of the evidence.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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