my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this boner is exhausting
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
