Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
