i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
