end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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