OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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