Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
