you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
