did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
