I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
