I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
