Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
