and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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