Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
