Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
