So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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