Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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