$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
