I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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