We won't sleep together?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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