i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
