Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That accounts for only three of the penises
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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