I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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