Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
