Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
