I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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