Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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