Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
