I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
