Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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