I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
