Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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