I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
