I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
