Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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