you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
