I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
